Quality #5: Mentors Are Good Listeners

Typically, listening is often not the strongest communications skills of young students, so demonstrating good listening skills yourself not only provides a role model but conveys the importance of listening by everyone.

Why is listening important to a mentoring relationship?

• When you listen, your mentee is more likely to listen to you too.
• It lets you know where they are coming from.
• You learn about your mentee's needs and concerns.
• You demonstrate respect.
• It diffuses potential conflict.

Evaluating Your Listening Skills

Most of us have never had listening training, and yet listening is critical to success in almost any endeavor. Some of us have developed habits over the years that get in the way of good listening skills and behavior (like interrupting the speaker several times before he or she is finished, looking at what is happening somewhere else instead of at the speaker, yawning and looking bored when the speaker is talking).

If you want to raise the level of your listening skills, it is important to know what you are doing already that demonstrates good listening, and what you are doing that impedes good listening.

You might want to try using the checklist below to assess your skills.

Effective Listening Checklist

Here are some ways to demonstrate good listening skills, used by effective mentors.

___I paraphrase or restate what has been said before responding.

___I seek clarification when I am unclear about what has been said.

___I make eye contact with someone talking to me.

___I watch for body language and other indicators of mood.

Listening Dynamics

Frank R. DiSilvestro, Associate Professor and Program Coordinator for Adult Education faculty at Indiana University, identifies 4 Listening Dynamics:

1. Intend to listen; begin with the desire to listen and be present and conscious
2. Concentrate: don't let distractions and side thoughts creep in.
3. Check for understanding; don't assume you get what is being said – check your understanding.
4. Use memory aids: use notes, mnemonics (memory devices like rhymes or acronyms) mental joggers, etc. to capture key points.

On a scale of 1-5 rate yourself on each of the four dynamics. Identify the areas you need to work on and one strategy that would take you from where you are right now to a 5. Set your intention to improve.

Some Rules of Thumb for Great Listeners

Read the list below. How many of these rules do you follow when you are listening to someone else speak? You might want to jot down in your journal some of the rules you want to start following as you are building a strong mentoring relationship with your mentee.

• Listen for facts. 
• Listen for feelings like confusion, disappointment, and frustration.
• Listen for attitudes and values. 
• Be aware of your own attitudes, and values. 
• Be aware of your own emotional response to what is said, and to the sender.
• Listen for the basic idea or main point. 
• Listen for what is really meant versus what is said.
• Pay attention, concentrate.
• Use body language, eye contact and facial expression to demonstrate active listening
• Do not interrupt unless necessary; don't let others interrupt

When is Interrupting Your Mentee Appropriate?

Here are some legitimate and even preferable times when your mentee should be interrupted.

Interrupt when your mentee is…

…completely off track.

…rambling.

…repeating.

…interrupting someone else.

…dominating.

..making an unacceptable comment.

When is Interrupting Your Mentee Not Appropriate?

Do not interrupt when you…

…don't agree with your mentee.

…want to offer a rebuttal.

…are afraid you will forget your point.

…want to show he/she is wrong.