Quality # 4: Mentors Are Respectful

The day after the state invention convention, Phoebe returned to her school. She was feeling disappointed that she hadn't won any awards for her invention at the competition; in fact, she was the only one from her school who didn't win at least one award.

When Phoebe walked into her classroom, Mr. Belen, the school librarian, and her teacher, Ms. Stone greeted her with a big smile and the whole class cheered for Phoebe. Mr. Belen said, "We are so proud that you represented all of us at the invention convention, Phoebe, and you should be so proud of yourself! You did a great job!" Then Ms. Stone added, "…and we're hoping you'll share your presentation with your classmates tomorrow." Phoebe was so excited that everyone was interested in her invention and it restored her self-confidence in her ability to be an inventor.

This little vignette demonstrates how respect for your mentee's hard work, innovative thinking, and presentation skills, rather than any external reward that may or may not follow.

Why Is Respect So Important?

Here are some of the reasons why respect is such a critical part of building a mentoring relationship. Perhaps you can think of more.

Respect demonstrates value for each individual 

• Children often feel like they don't have a voice. Treating the mentee with the same respect you would afford another adult, demonstrates how to treat others.

Respect raises your mentee's confidence

• When your mentee feels they have earned respect, it makes them feel more confident and capable. Your mentee will want to continue to show they are worthy of the respect you have shown them.

Respect sets a high bar of expectations

• Respect is earned. Once a respectful relationship has been established, it becomes the expected standard. Mentees don't want to disappoint you and lose your respect.

Respect removes barriers to learning

• Respect is the starting point for encouraging learning and relationship. The absence of respect contributes to lack of mentoring success.

Respect motivates energy and enthusiasm for the work

• Respect sets the tone of the relationship and stimulates energy and enthusiasm for the work ahead.

If you have thought of some other reasons why respect plays such an important role in establishing a solid mentoring relationship, add them below.

How to Show Respect to Your Mentee

Be fully present; give your undivided attention to those who require it.

Listen to others without interrupting; instead of looking for an opening so you can talk, let others speak without inserting your own opinion prematurely

Use appropriate language; even if you are frustrated and disappointed, communicate in a way that gets your message across without showing your emotions.

Show appreciation and demonstrate basic civility; thanking others and showing appreciation is a respectful way to role model desired behaviors.

Fulfill your promises and commitments; following through with your commitments demonstrates respect to those to whom you made commitments.

Acknowledge and value your mentee's feelings: recognizing feelings of your mentees makes them feel valued.

Identify your boundaries and expectations upfront: letting them know what you cannot do prevents them from feeling disrespected if you need to say "no."

Take the time to explain to your mentee why they need to do something: avoid just telling them what to do